More Jerusalem

memories

Interesting shift in perspective once I am home for a break. Whereas with all the night terrors which were the norm for 4 months in Israel (re my own issues and not re being there; of course everyone asks me re security which is the least of my concerns), and the resulting feeling that I could not continue alone anymore and that after returning to Israel over the summer with hubby I would just fly back with him in early Aug and continue my writing at home… [long messy sentence] well, pretty much as soon as I was back in Aust I realised I would stay on writing in Israel for the rest of the academic year, and not because there is anything to run away from here, in fact life is easy, family/friends here, traffic quiet, food cheap, public transport simple, streetscapes green, people calm [but Aust media is total and utter garbage and getting worse!]… ah, but Aust is not Israel which has a whole other portfolio of blessings which give some lift to my wounded wings. So maybe I have another 3 months of night terrors coming up from Aug, although it is possible that if I work harder/smarter and feel better about my progress I will be OK with the isolation and desperation and be able to get to sleep before the early hours… sigh, that’s a heavy and controversial paragraph.

For the last 3 weeks I led the Lent studies on Thurs evenings at Christ Church in Jaffa Gate on the connections between Passover and Holy Week. I had to edit 4 studies down to 3, but the PPTs were already well-honed so it wasn’t hard, and well received as far as I can tell, good discussion after the 3rd one. I had wondered if a GAFCON-affiliated Anglican church would be OK with women teaching (although I gather it is not OK with women preaching as I don’t see any ordained women there), so the fact that they invited and delivered this possibility to me in trust has helped a lot in my view of the Jerusalem church. I already loved it for its beauty, history, liturgy, and dignity, but wasn’t sure where they were at re women. Thankfully their evangelical/ fundamental spirit does not entirely apply the Kol Isha “voice of a woman” taboo (as it is known in Judaism). Excluding women from ordination and mission is a grave error in my view having suffered so much from its cruelty. But I am essentially very conservative in most other views and habits, so I fall between the options. Where can I go long-term other than traditional Anglicanism and just cop the other things I don’t like? That reminds me of my show-bag analogy, where, say, you have the choice of the Cadbury or Nestle show-bag… both have some chocs you like but both also have some junky toys, comic books, and one even has a whoopie cushion, and you have to choose on balance which you prefer. For me, the ‘women’ choc has to be in there, so that’s the bag I buy, although I am sorry to miss out on the other chocs and trinkets I like in the other bag.

Because of sleep problems, I missed the morning services for my last two Sundays in Jerusalem so I went to the evening services instead. Then I wished I had spared the time and the trudging to go to both Sunday services every week I was there. I guess I could have taken my laptop with me and stayed in the Old City throughout the afternoon in the Christ Church cafe or elsewhere to write. Towards the end of my stay and especially with these services, my spiritual crisis seems to be resolving with some particular revelations, which I can’t/won’t expand on here, not the right forum. But for both the first and last Sundays of my stay I went over behind the pillar to receive personal prayer after communion, this time asking the missionary couple there to pray for me because I have been under spiritual attack (a request I never thought I would make), and explaining my situation in summary as well. Well, along with some strong and insightful prayers from them both, there was also some praying in tongues and laying on of hands (never thought I would be the recipient of that either) but I found out I needed it this time and could just accept it. With hands on my head and both shoulders I had the feeling of being hidden in a small safe dome, somehow.

I walked to the Old City several times weekly, to church and to the Kotel, sometimes to pray or just to walk through and watch, or sit in the women’s section and wait for a gap to touch the wall. The other times (if raining or short of time) I would catch a bus along Hebron Rd, sometimes with unintended outcomes. I found the Arab buses got there every time (heading for the Old City and East- not West- Jerusalem), and on one day late in Ramadan I was on such a bus (crowded!) when the fast ended and people handed a bag of dates around, and the Jaffa Gate bus stop had packs of water for free, and more dates. But the Arab buses were not always listed as options in Moovit (maybe I am wrong about that and I am just unfamiliar with the app) so I had to fluke arriving at the bus stop when one was arriving. Sometimes I waited for buses but none came so I had to walk anyway. There is a big hiatus around Friday-Shabbat.

Back in December, Faith ‘lent’ me her friend in Jerusalem who works as an usher at the Kotel, and a few times we went out for dinner after the Shabbat was over, walking down into the Hinnom Valley by Ma’ale (‘ascent’) Beni below the SW corner of the Old City, then S along Hebron Rd and then W up to the train track/path and the Fiori Italian restaurant (kosher) in the First Station restaurant precinct which was the Jerusalem train station from 1892 until its decline in the 1950s (not sure of the modern history here, that’s not my focus, I just read the plaque on the E wall). Here is a page which seems to tell the story. So then I had another way to walk more directly to the Kotel through Zion Gate on the S wall. But I still had to walk further N through Jaffa Gate on the W wall if I was going to Christ Church. The view from Ma’ale Beni is over to the residential area of Yemin Moshe with the Montefiore windmill, and Mishkenot Sha'ananim, and in the foreground down to the Hinnom Valley with its grandstand for summer concerts, which was completely disassembled and replaced as I came and went over the winter. One time I turned up to the Kotel wet and numb with cold and Faith’s friend insisted on lending me a Kotel usher’s coat for the rest of the winter which I always wore inside out so no-one would see the logo and ask where I got it. That day I found a pair of wet alpaca-wool gloves on the ground in Mamilla Mall (ritzy outdoor mall outside Jaffa Gate) which helped on subsequent winter walks. That felt like a gift from the heavens, quite encouraging really. But I lost my fluffy loose-knitted scarf on the Kotel plaza (can also stretch it sideways into a big tube and wear like a poncho), so I will have to try to replace it.

Photo: View of W Jerusalem from Ma’ale Beni (ascending to the SW corner of the Old City). Disassembled grandstand at 9:00. The windmill at 11:00 is hard to see from this angle. King David Hotel at 2:00 (big beige block).

P.S. re Christ Church, I stayed and paid for lunch most Sundays, and talked most times to a young MA student from Sweden at Hebrew University. I went to a few of the all-Hebrew services during the week, beautiful and authentic indeed, though I need to spend more time translating the liturgy so I get more out of it. Goodness, they open and close with the shofar, play worship songs on folk guitar, the clergy wear prayer shawls for communion, some daven a bit though I think it is unconscious/habitual, adapt sections and structure from Jewish liturgy, bake their own soft unleavened bread (tastes of olive oil), yay, no matza! But it doesn’t seem try-hard as Messianic services often do because this service is by and for the Hebrew-speaking members of the total congregation, and the synagogue is their own formation and inspiration. In such a service I can only be a guest. I didn’t attend this service very often for that reason, but finally worked out I was welcome regardless.

Photo: During Purim, people went around the streets in costumes. Here is Queen Esther praying at the Western Wall. Free to use my photos if anyone wants, I won’t sue :-)

More re general mental/physical health measures: Faith called me nearly every day, which I think she worked out was necessary. Sourdough baking helped, only with wholemeal flour of various kinds, with added wheatgerm and ground flax seed (heavy bread so I thought only I would eat it, but I gave loaves to Faith when I saw her and she also loved it toasted, eking it out til next time), baked in a small combo cast iron pot (18 cm) that I ordered to arrive at Faith’s place before I came. Ironically branded “Happiness”, sorry it is a Temu link, and it seems now to be sold out. But it was a perfect size for little loaves and the lid works as a frypan. I also baked ‘foil packet’ style meals-for-one in the toaster oven (put meat/veg/wine/salt etc all in the combo pot together but of course without foil)! But I really missed Vegemite after my squeezy tube ran out, will bring a lot more next time. Made lemon water from the neighbour’s tree. Drank the cheapest Israeli red wines (I have no clue about wine but have a glass in the evening for health’s sake), there is so much Israeli wine stock and brands I wonder who drinks it all. Surprised at so many small food shops along the streets, what we might call delis or kiosks in Aust, so much fruit and veg, and a lot of ‘nature’/organic food stores. The Israeli shopping scene seems more decentralised and entrepreneurial, fewer big malls, more shopping strips.

That’s it for Jerusalem memories for a while, though I have notes for others which I will work in to later posts, but this post is long enough already.